Thursday, 15 January 2009
Life now ...
Things have changed and my hubby is now almost totally dependant on oxygen. The cancer has spread to his lungs and is making inroads into his stomach.
Life now seems to be about managing what we are facing ... damn hard.
My hubby seems to be in pain or discomfort more often than not ... although he is wearing strong 'pain patches' and having regularly doses of oral morphine.
He rarely ventures outside, as the heat upsets his breathing, so he's gone from being an outside person to being confined inside.
His feet, ankles and legs swell to almost bursting ... and this is all part of the this revolting disease, where fluid can no longer be absorbed or passed, as it is with a healthy person.
His shoulder blades poke out like he's been starved ... his arms are so thin I feel scared they might snap. He's thinner than I've ever known him ... and that makes we weep!
He keeps trying to be positive, but it's getting harder and harder.
... but as always there's positives ... and the biggest one for me is that our love is stronger than ever ... but this also makes me cry more, as I can't stand the thought that he won't be a live part of my life for much longer.
I want him
I need him
I love him ...
but cancer is taking him from me
and neither of us know how to stop this!