First Batch - Lavender Soap

Here's the protective equipment I used -


Here's the containers and other bits and pieces I need to use -










Here's the moulds I might use ... haven't really decided which ones I'll need, as I have no idea how much soap the recipe will make -


And here's the ingredients for the recipe I'm trialling -

Soapmaking

Four weeks ago I finally found the courage to make my first batch of soap. I'd researched this subject for years and was always a bit scared of the 'lye monster' ... in fact I didn't want to believe that I had to use such a caustic ingredient as potassium hydroxide ... it just seems all wrong to use the main ingredient in drain cleaner when I'm trying to change my lifestyle to be as chemical free as possible.

Finally I did more research and learned about the scientific process that oils and lye go through, and how soap is actually made ... and what happens to that nasty 'lye monster'.

So with that knowledge I got myself the necessary protective equipment ... goggles, paper filter mask, heavy duty gloves and apron ... and made sure all the bits and pieces I wanted to use were either stainless steel, pyrex or plastic ... no other metals.

Then it was about gathering the ingredients, measuring precisely ... making sure the laundry door was shut, so my dog couldn't get outside ... as I decided to mix the water and lye outside ... to keep all 'chemical fall out' away from the inside of my house.

I decided my first soap would be lavender and that I'd keep the mix smallish ... as I really had no idea what would happen.

To be continued ...

11 Days - with 7 elastics

It's incredible ... except when I have to eat, I don't remember I have all these elastics.

My daily wear doesn't vary much, which I'm hoping is good -
- 4 hours on Thursday- 19 hours (10 hr, 9 hr) on Friday
- 19 hours (9 hr, 10 hr) on Saturday
- 22 hours (19 hr, 3 hr) on Sunday
- 21 hours - 18 x 7 (12 hr, 4 hr, 2 hr) + 3 x 4 on Monday
- 21 hours - 9 x 7 (7 hr, 2 hr) + 12 x 4 on Tuesday
- 21 hours - 9 x 7 (7 hr, 2 hr) + 12 x 4 on Wednesday
- 20 hours - 9 x 7 (7 hr, 2 hr) + 11 x 4 on Thursday
- 21 hours - 9 x 7 (7 hr, 2 hr) + 12 x 4 on Friday
- 22 hours - 19 hr + 3 x 4 (when I had visitors) on Saturday
- 22 hours - (18 hr + 4 hr) on Sunday
- 21 hours - 11 x 7 (8 hr, 3 hr ) + 10 x 4 on Monday

I'm changing my diet to raw, although sometimes I've found chewing a challenge, but I'm loving the changes I'm learning about. I'm also having one green smoothie a day ... and they're amazing!

My favourite green smoothie so far is -
- 200 gm silverbeet
- 3 bananas
- 1 handful of strawberries
- 1 cup water

Blend ... and enjoy!

Thursday - 1 Week with 7 elastics

Apart from not being able to eat with these elastics in, things feel as comfortable as they usually do. Often I go to put something in my mouth and then realise I can't. This is a reminder why I don't like the thought of invisalign and why I'm grateful it was never an option for me.

My daily wear hasn't varied much -
... so far -
- 4 hours on Thursday
- 19 hours (10 hr, 9 hr) on Friday
- 19 hours (9 hr, 10 hr) on Saturday
- 22 hours (19 hr, 3 hr) on Sunday
- 21 hours - 18 x 7 (12 hr, 4 hr, 2 hr) + 3 x 4 on Monday
- 21 hours - 9 x 7 (7 hr, 2 hr) + 12 x 4 on Tuesday
- 21 hours - 9 x 7 (7 hr, 2 hr) + 12 x 4 on Wednesday
- 20 hours - 8 x 7 (7 hr, 2 hr) + 11 x 4 on Thursday

I now think it'll be weekends that will be the challenge, as this weekend I have several activities and they will grately reduce my x 7 elastic wear ... but I'm coping well with x 4 wear, so here's to that making progress.

Tueday - Day 5 with 7 elastics

First day at work since my new elastics and although I only have to wear four at work, I feel they hold as tightly as the seven do. The best part is, with four I can talk ... although I still can't eat 'real' food.

My ortho was pleased with the times I've been managing and still wants me to work hard at wearing the seven elastics as much as possible.

... so far -

- 4 hours on Thursday

- 19 hours (10 hr, 9 hr) on Friday

- 19 hours (9 hr, 10 hr) on Saturday

- 22 hours (19 hr, 3 hr) on Sunday

- 21 hours - 18 x 7 (12 hr, 4 hr, 2 hr) + 3 x 4 on Monday

- 21 hours - 9 x 7 (7 hr, 2 hr) + 12 x 4 on Tuesday

I can't see me being able to decrease the hours wearing four elastics, due to that being from when I got ready to leave home till I took them out for tea. Here's to there being some progress soon. My ortho has warned me, that with my history, it's possible that my teeth will not move as desired ... but I'm hoping they'll prove him wRoNg!

Monday - Day 4 with 7 elastics

Today was a public holiday ... so I've managed 'good times' again ...

I managed to wear them -
- 4 hours on Thursday
- 19 hours (10 hr, 9 hr) on Friday
- 19 hours (9 hr, 10 hr) on Saturday
- 22 hours (19 hr, 3 hr) on Sunday
- 21 hours - 18 + 3 hours (12 hr, 4 hr, 2 hr) + 3 hr of 4 x elastic wear on Monday

I'm now more comfortable with the elastics in than out. That's something I didn't expect.

When I take the five elastics that run across the front of my bite off, there's not a huge difference in feeling, but when I remove elastic one and seven ... the ones on the sides, my jaw feels lost ... it's a huge 'release of pressure' feeling. Interesting ...

Here's some pics of my mouth with 4 x elastics, what I need to wear when I have to talk, for example when I'm at work.

This is much easier to cope with than the 7 elastics, although I can't eat with them in.

Tomorrow I return to work ... it will be interesting!

Sunday - day 3 with 7 elastics

Today ... Sunday ... my mouth is feeling heaps better ... my jaw isn't achy, which is a huge relief.

Last night I cleaned before going to bed ... around midnight ... and I've not taken these things out since. It's been 13 hours ... and I'm stoked I've done this long. I've been drinking protein shakes (with loads of yummies added - pureed), so I'm not hungry. Have to admit I'm looking forward to tea time ... as I'll definitely be eating big time. Will make sure I have softish food, as my jaw may not be too keen on chewing ... but will see how it feels at the time.

After the protein shakes, I've been brushing the front of my teeth gently and using a mouthrinse. I've not been off my property, so I'm not concerned about odours at this moment ... but if I sense visitors, I'll be in my bathroom asap!

My ortho said he's only ever done this a few times in the past and only with stubborn patients ... I think he meant patients with stubborn teeth ... and I couldn't laugh properly, as I already had the elastics in when he told me!

He has said I only need to wear elastics numbers 1, 2, 3 and 7 during work hours and when I'm public, and if possible number 4. Then add 5 and 6 (the ones that stretch the furthest) when I don't need to talk to people, or eat.

Last night ... after two days of 19 hours ... here's the pics of share relief!

These Elastics are Horrid!

I managed to wear them -

- 4 hours on Thursday

- 19 hours (10 hr, 9 hr) on Friday

- 19 hours (9 hr, 10 hr) on Saturday

... I'm not counting Thursday ... as that's when I got them, but Friday was a holiday and Saturday's the 'real' weekend ... so both days are short by 3 hours.

I can't work out how I'm going to fit that extra 3 hours in ... plus if I decide to have a life (like go off my property) ... I'm not sure how I'd cope in public with these elastics in, as I can't talk properly, I can't eat and ... whinge, whinge, whinge ...

The frustrating thing is ... I really what my braces off asap ... and this seems like the best way to make this happen. Maybe I need to not work for the next few months ... stay away from friends ... and phones ... and just wear these elastics ... except when I'm eating and cleaning my teeth.

I'm not sure why I'm doing the cheesy metal grin ... as really I'm not smiling on the inside!

A reminder of what's happened in the past 4 1/2 years of treatment

Wow ... it does make me realise that heaps has changed ... even though it often feels that there's so much that needs doing!

Smiling through seven elastics

My lastest 'chair time' brought with it a major change in elastics ... in fact more major than I thought possible!

My ortho said he's trying to 'pull' my bite together so I can get my braces off. They've been on far too long (no disagreement from me on that one) ... so something needs to be done. Hopefully if these elastics work ... and for the discomfort, they damn well better ... my teeth will be free this side of christmas. Now that's something to motivate me to do my best to wear them as directed.

Wearing instructions ... as long as possible each day! Break that down further ... try to achieve 15 hours on work days and 22 hours on weekends, holidays etc. Oh my dear Goddess ... those are long hours. My ortho added that I need to try and wear them for long periods ... by that he was meaning, not to put them in, take them out, put them in, take them out ... Think I may try and keep a log on here to see what I achieve ... as I do need to try hard and this may motivate me, if I have to write it down.

My jaw is still a bit achy and there's no way I can eat with the elastics in. Also talking is a challenge, although I'm doing my best. It's a good thing this started the evening before a long weekend ... as that gives me four days to do my best!

Here's the photos ... beware ... these are scary!

Front ... showing my open bite. My upper front teeth are tied together with chord after having IPR to straighten the edges of them, so they meet without a gap.

Left - this shows the seventh elastic, it travels from the hook on my upper canine under the hooks on my lower canine and premolar and back to the upper canine's hook. The bend in the archwire is still working to bring down and align the upper premolar ... but it doesn't seem to want to move.

Right - the beginning of the six elastics to 'pull' my bite across. The cord tied around the brackets on my lateral incisor and first premolar have totally closed the gap where my impacted canine sits in my jaw. That chord is still there and the major bend in the archwire is to bring that premolar down even further ... but like the left one, it's not keen to move. Then there's a bend to try and bring the second premolar into better alignment ... I'm hoping they work ... very soon!

Just for some fun ... I quite like this look, as you can't see all the wear on my front teeth, or all the things that orthodontics alone can't fix without surgery. This photo also shows, that even with the elastics 'pulling' my jaw round, the middle of my upper teeth is way off ... so without surgery, even if my teeth move, my jaw will remain well off centre. This hopefully won't affect my bite in the long term. One thing I love about this photo, is that it makes my upper teeth look to be well in front of my lowers. They're not really that far in front (as the upper two side view show) ... but it looks great compared to where I started, with a class III and edge to edge.

Laughing ... well as best I can with these elastics holding tightly ... I've decided that after having braces for so long, laughing is really the only way to look at my situation.

Change is healthy ... I hope

Usually I grow three or four sweet bite tomato plants every summer. They have a lovely flavour and they seem to fruit for months and months. I love eating them in many foods ... giving bags of them to friends, and using them instead of bread to dip in dukkah!

This year I've planted four sweet bite tomato plants ... and they're already providing me with tomatoes and growing well ... here's a photo taken a couple of weeks ago ... add a couple of centimetres to them, to image how they look today.


... but this year I've decided to diversify ... and even though Merv has died ... so I'm the only person I'm growing food for, I've added three more plants ... each of them different ... just to see how they grow.

Let me introduce you to ...
One of my heirloom tomatoes - Amish Oxheart

... another heirloom - Green Zebra - a gift from a friend and only planted 12 hours ago

... and a reasonably new tomato - Tomatoberry - it has small fruit on trusses and is advertised as being largely disease resistant. Today I was trimming some of the big leaves away from my tomatoes to allow more air movement around them and I realised that my tomatoberry has nine flowering trusses ... time to get excited

I have so many plans for you ...

My Queensland blue pumpkins are finally producing female flowers and I can see the beginnings of roast pumpkin, mashed pumpkin, stirfried pumpkin, pumpkin in quiche, pumpkin in lasagne, pumpkin curry, pumpkin soup, pumpkin in vegie stew, pumpkin scones, pumpkin in nearly everything I cook ... I love pumpkin!


I have four Queensland blue pumpkin plants ... two planted in tyres, one either side of my lemon tree, and two planted in one of my raised garden beds ... although I seem to have lost 55 carrot plants and three apple cucumbers ... but hopefully they're still in that same raised garden bed ... somewhere ...

Down to Earth Forum Swap

I've been involved in the members christmas tree ornament swap ... it was loads of fun.

Here's the goodies that arrived for me from Michelle in America -



I feel very spoilt!

Hair Cut

Wilson was looking so cute ... but it was becoming obvious that hot weather wasn't far away, so it was time to have another hair cut.


Here's his before and after photos ... I didn't recognise his body ... but his eyes belonged to my gorgous companion.

I keep needing more space for my vegies ...

I can't stop adding more seeds and seedlings. So I have to keep finding ways to increase my space ... and that's fun. Here's some photos ...

These terracota pots have been sealed and are homes for a bay tree and flat leaf parsley.


A heirloom tomato plant - Amish Oxheart - growing in a bag of potting mix


A Queensland blue pumpkin and a bush cucumber are growing in two tyres.


I have three 'tomato towers' which I'm using to grow climbing beans and peas.

Seven Raised Garden Beds ...

Finally all the raised garden beds have been built!



It was so exciting to have the final two built, weed mat and soil in place, so I could find more vegies to put in them. It didn't take long to fill them both ... although I'm continuing to look for space to add more seeds and seedlings.

Next the watering options will be added. Each garden will have the choice of the BioCycle, rain water (tank) or mains water. Then the areas around each garden bed will be levelled and covered with weed mat and blue metal. An arch is being built by a friend and it will go between the two garden beds built onto the side of my neighbours and my fence. A bench seat will be below that ... as a place to chill. Not all together necessary, as each garden has a layer of sleepers lying horizontally ... so it's possible to sit anywhere!

Trying to make a signature ...

Week 208 - Adjustment 25 - Photos

Front

Left

Right - with gap over the impacted canine nearly closed due to the bracket on the lateral and first pre molar being tied with power-chord

Closer look at the closing of the gap caused by my impacted canine

Open bite

Week 208 - Adjustment 25

My ortho is keenly trying to get my bite in the best position and to that end he worked on my upper arch this time.

He removed the powerchain ... which has been there since my November adjustment. It was amazing to see the powerchain and that it was still totally in tact. It wouldn't be applying pressure to my teeth, but it was preventing them from spreading out, so it was still do a part job ... after all those months - 8 months!

Next he took my top archwire off and adjusted the bends in it and worked more bends into it. The archwire was put back on and I could immediately feel that. Then a new powerchain was put on ... my favourte purple one ... and ghee I could feel that.

Next my ortho got some PC 'power chain' ... which is a type of elastic thread. He threaded that around the brackets of the teeth on either side of the gap where my impacted canine is and then tied it tight ... behind the archwire. Wow ... I could feel those teeth moving ... which was exciting! Tben with some fancy tying, it was secured tightly in place.

A new hook was made for my upper right side elastic and more of those horrible tiny 1/8" elastics were put on. Same as last time -

Left side - a triangle, from upper canine to lower canine and lower premolar

Right side - a triangle from upper first molar to lower canine and lower premolar

My next appointment is in seven weeks and here's to my bite being less open and the gap over my impacted canine finally closed!

Week 202 - Adjustment 24

It's been a long time since I've been to see my ortho for an appointment, mostly due to me not keeping an appointment while my hubby was in hospital, and after he died ... well my teeth just didn't seem to warrant interest. But ... finally I'm back and realise that my darling man needs me to stay on track, so I'm back to doing things that need to be done!

My ortho was so caring and sweet about my absence, but he still stressed my need to keep on track now, as my time in treatment is getting long ... and don't I know that!

He's concerned that my open bite hasn't shown much improvement and he wonders if this may not be able to be corrected without surgery. He doesn't recommend I have the surgery, so it's about getting my bite to a place where it's as good as it can be.

He changed my elastics to these tiny little 1/8" things ... gray wolf ... they are so tiny and hard to put on. I'm to wear them all day, one on each side in a triangle

1. Left side - a triangle, from upper canine to lower canine and lower premolar
2. Right side - a triangle from upper first molar to lower canine and lower premolar

My next appointment is in six weeks and here's to my bite being less open and the gap over my impacted canine closed!

He couldn't stay ...

The love of my life died on the last day of our Summer ... 28 February 2009.

We spent three weeks in hospital together and then with the help of our Palliative Care nurse, I was able to bring my hubby home for his final few days.

He was doing it hard, but he never stopped smiling and communicating with family and friends.

Early Saturday morning, he had problem breathings, and after administering him his meds at 3 am and 4 am, I phoned our Palliative Care nurse for advice. He talked me through the next hour, and then it was all about waiting ... waiting for our kids to arrive.

My gorgeous man was doing it tough, but he wasn't ready to give up and he kept gasping for breath and doing everything in his power to stay with us. Our kids arrived just before 11 am (they'd flown in around 10 am) and we were by his side till he took his final breath 1 1/2 hours later.

He acheived his goals to be at home and to have the three people he loved the most in this world holding him tight.

Our sadness is so heavy I'm not sure how to survive the weight, but I'm pleased my hubby no longer has to live with this horrible disease!

Thanks to the many bloggers who've been giving me support over the past year ... it was truly appreciated.

Visitors

We've had family from New Zealand visit and that was good for us both. My hubbies Mum, one of his brothers and his wife came for a week. It was nice to catch up with them and hear stories from home. The hard part is when they leave ... my hubby gets very upset, coz he's left wondering if he'll ever see them again. I think that's why he's not sure if he wants any more family from New Zealand to visit.

Our kids are due back in about seven sleeps ... can't wait! It's tough for them having to leave their jobs and friends, but they both want to spend as much time with their Dad as they can. I can't begin to imagine how tough this is for them.

We're noticed that our local friends don't call as often as they used to. A couple still do ... but it's getting hard for them ... you can see it in their eyes. They love my hubby (and they've all worked for him also) and I think they're finding the sight of him suffering is just too hard ... which it is!

Heat Wave

Our state, is in the middle of a heat wave, with last weeks temps in the high 40's and this week we're expecting high 30's most days. Sadly many people are dying from this heat ... mostly the elderly, sick, with children and animals are also at risk.

My hubby can't go outside ... he's held up inside, under ceiling fans and with the air con blowing. He needs the cool air blowing on him to help him breathe ... that's even while wearing oxygen. The dry heat exhausts him and makes him gasp for breath. Our fear is a power cut. We have two cylinders of oxygen, so that's the oxygen taken care of ... it's more about how to get cool air moving. Think if that happened, I'd get him in the car ... somehow ... and just keep driving (with the air con blowing full) till the power was back on.

Our doctor has been to our house twice now ... which is so sweet of him, as my hubby wouldn't be able to go to the clinic to see him. He's been through the many pain meds my hubby is on and made adjustments. It really is a personal way to meet with your doctor, instead of in their rooms.

I've realised that a lot of the time I'm feeling numb ...
I think I'm already grieving ...
Grieving for the things my hubby can no longer do ...
Grieving for the amazing life we had ...
Other times my stomach churns till I'm sure I'll be sick ...
But I think this is also a sympton of my grieving ...
I don't like grieving ...

Life now ...

Things have changed and my hubby is now almost totally dependant on oxygen. The cancer has spread to his lungs and is making inroads into his stomach.

Life now seems to be about managing what we are facing ... damn hard.

My hubby seems to be in pain or discomfort more often than not ... although he is wearing strong 'pain patches' and having regularly doses of oral morphine.

He rarely ventures outside, as the heat upsets his breathing, so he's gone from being an outside person to being confined inside.

His feet, ankles and legs swell to almost bursting ... and this is all part of the this revolting disease, where fluid can no longer be absorbed or passed, as it is with a healthy person.

His shoulder blades poke out like he's been starved ... his arms are so thin I feel scared they might snap. He's thinner than I've ever known him ... and that makes we weep!

He keeps trying to be positive, but it's getting harder and harder.

... but as always there's positives ... and the biggest one for me is that our love is stronger than ever ... but this also makes me cry more, as I can't stand the thought that he won't be a live part of my life for much longer.

I want him

I need him

I love him ...

but cancer is taking him from me

and neither of us know how to stop this!

Happy ...

Happy 2009!

Thanks to all the people who've given support during the past 12 months. It's incredible to feel the support from so many people I've never met and probably never will! Thanks so much ... it really is appreciated!

Have an awesome 2009!

Family and visitors

Our kids have been staying for a week or two now and it's been great having them here.

A close friend of my hubbies ... a guy he made friends with while at primary school ... and his wife have been visiting from New Zealand.

Local friends, many of them Kiwi's living in this same area in Australia, visit most days to see how my hubby is doing. It's a tough time, as apart from his time in hospital and his not feeling very well, it's also the time his managers, supervisors and contractors have returned to work ... without him. I can't begin to imagine what that must feel like for a man who really enjoys his job as GM.

We're so lucky to have wonderful kids and wonderful friends.

Hubby home ...

After much discussion, it was decided that my hubby would have an endoscopy on the Monday and it showed that the tumour had narrowed his esophagus in two places. We then had a discussion with the gastro doc, who was confident that the placement of two stents was the way to go. Other discussions with our oncologoy team, raised areas of concern, but finally my hubby agreed that he would have the two stents put in. This was done on the Tuesday ... and a nervous time it was. Fortunately it all went well and he recovered with no obvious affect to his lungs.

We were still hoping for him to be released on christmas day, but the docs said he had to stay till boxing day, so that he could be guided through the ... clear fluids, full fluids and soft food choices. On christmas day the four of us went out for three hours. We found a fish and chip shop, bought a feed, then found a spot by the sea and enjoyed our dinner. It was horrible to see how quickly my hubby was exhausted by his outing, and we had to return to the hospital, so he could have pain relief.

On boxing day I left home about 7 am, so I would be at the hospital for the doctors rounds. Unfortunately my hubby's docs were on leave, but we still had a good discussion with the doc who saw him. We left with a pile of liquid morphine, morphine patches and other stuff. The letter for our pallative care team about my hubby's need for oxygen wasn't there ... but hopefully that will be followed up this week.

By the time we got home, my hubby was exhausted. Our daughter had the oxygen machine running ... so he sunk into a chair with that and liquid morphine.

That night was a horror. We didn't seem to be able to get on top of the pain, and my hubby became quite distressed. Around 9 am I phoned the emergency pallative care number and our nurse phoned the duty doctor for advice. She organised stronger liquid morphine, to be administered more frequently and a stronger pain patch. This was wonderful, as all we had to do, was collect the script, take it to the pharmacy and pay for the drugs.

The second night, my hubby had a far better rest and although I needed to massage him once through the night, his 'bones' (shoulders and back) didn't seem to ache so much. He also got out of bed and slept in the recliner for a few hours, so that pressure was being distributed differently. My hubby was amazed he'd slept so well ... and his morning was a good one. He sat in the wheelchair on our back deck for a few hours, enjoying the sun and giving our son and a friend who's visiting from NZ, instructions about what needs doing to our back area. We think he may have overdone things ... but it was great to see him enjoying the fresh air, family and friends.

Here's to tonight being similar, or better, than last night!

Hubby still in hospital

It's three week and my hubby's short visit to hospital continues to drag out. The 80+ km a day drive from home to the hospital and the 80+ km a day drive back is starting to take it's toll, but not as much as my need to have him home ... my need to get him out of that place and back to things that are more familiar to him.

The 'talc' mix was put in his lung last week and the tube removed on Friday. His x-rays showed two small areas with fluid/air in them, but the lung doc is happy with how the scaring has worked.

On Friday a doc from the Gastro department arrived and said he wanted my hubby to have an endoscopy done on Monday, as the problems he's having eating and holding food down (soft, minced food) may mean that the tumour has thickened, and he may benefit from having a stent placed in the esophagus. This all sounded scary, but good, but today my hubby's oxygen levels have dropped ... we're not sure why ... it maybe related to the infection he has at the site where the tube went into his lung ... no one seems too sure. But anyway, due to his oxygen levels being low, he may not be able to have the endoscopy done, as the risks would be too high. I'm not sure where this leaves us with regard to his eating ...

I just want to take him home!

Our daughter arrived last Wednesday and it's been great having her for company during the drives to and from the hospital and at home during the short evening, before we fall exhausted into bed. She brought her dog, Charlie (a moodle - maltese x poodle), with her, and Wilson and him are having a great time! Our son arrives on Monday ... and then our family will be together for christmas ... just gotta get hubby out of the hospital!

15 December 2008 - 29th Wedding Anniversary

Wow ... tomorrow is our 29th wedding anniversary and I love my man as much now as I did when I met him 30 1/2 years ago!

I wish everyone could have a marriage as wonderful as ours.

We've done so much together, been to many places and experienced so many things.

We have two gorgeous kids, who've grown into the most amazing adults.

We're truly blessed!

Hubby still in Hospital

Two weeks have passed, and a few things have happened, unfortunately nothing that was really planned.

Last Tuesday a large tube was put in his left lung to drain the fluid. Nearly six litres was removed and this was very painful. The lung doc was pleased with the x-rays, that showed hubbies lung was working hard to expand. My hubby was distressed with the pain, and I've got to be honest, seeing him in pain is something I deal badly with.

Hubby was also coughing a lot and bringing up phlem, which we were told was good. Then he coughed and said it felt like something had 'clicked' in his neck. His face had started to swell and by the time I got a nurse (within a minutes) his neck area was very swollen. This caused a panic and three doctors were called in. Our oncology doc said the tube had to come out, as she was concerned something bad was happening. She quickly removed the tube and then stayed and talked us through many options ... scary stuff. She was worried that my hubby's neck would continue to swell and that his breathing was compromised. She asked us about resuscitation and recommended we mark my hubby's file 'not for resuscitation' ... we had discussed this, but listening to a doctor talking like this was something neither of us coped well with ... and the tears fell. She asked if I wanted to stay the night in my hubby's room, which was nice, as I'd already decided I wasn't going anywhere.

I slept on the reclining chair ... it was comfy and I did get some sleep ... well a little sleep. My poor hubby barely closed his eyes, as he feared they'd not open again. Every time he started to doze, he'd 'jump' as his subconscious woke him agin.

The morning came and his breathing was still good ... a huge relief.

More x-rays and then more problems. It was found he had a pneumothorax, which is when a hole develops in the lung, allowing air to escape into the space between the lung and the chest wall and collapsing the lung. This had to be corrected by another tube being put into the same area to remove the air. Doctors rushed in and after three attempts the tube was in the right place. My poor hubby was exhausted, tearful and in loads of pain. He was so over this whole hospital thing, I was worried he'd discharge himself. The nurses gave him more and more morphine to help him relax and to help his pain. He was given patches and needles.

Over the past three days, his pain levels have decreased a little, and he's trying hard to keep on top of the pain, by asking for morphine rather than waiting till he's already in pain. He's still not sleeping well ... and he's rarely eating ... both worry me heaps.

Now we wait for the hole in his lung to heal. His lung doc is confident this will happen quickly and still wants to do the 'talc' in the pleural space thing, to get this area to scare and therefore prevent fluid buildup. My hubby will allow this, as long as the tube he currently has in, can do the job. Due to the pain caused by these tubes, he's not prepared to have another one ... and I don't blame him!

Week 170 - Adjustment 23

November 2008

I've been real slack taking photos ... so these are nearly a month late, but hopefully they will record some progress.

Front


Left


Right


Gap closing over impaced canine


Open Bite


The 'openness' of my bite is annoying, but I've been reassured it's part of the 'gets worse before it gets better' stuff.

Hubby still in hospital

Unfortunately what we'd hoped would only be a couple of days, has turned in to a week ... or more.

My hubby's bone scan came back almost clear. There's two marks behind one eye, but his team don't appear too concerned and have suggested it may just be marks on the scan. The CT scan shows that the tumour has grown ... which we expected, and has moved into the stomach area, but not by a lot. There are swollen glands in the stomach, but they said these weren't to bad. His team were happy to report that his liver is clear at this time. The chest x-ray showed the left lung flooding with fluid and the right lung with a smaller amount of fluid. Fluid removed from the left lung contains cancer cells, but we've not sort clarification of this yet ... will try and be brave enough to talk about this with his team tomorrow. Surgery is not an option, as my hubby's oxygen levels and breathing are not great enough for this. Instead we're to see a 'lung Doctor' on Monday and hopefully s/he will agree to put a tube in the left lung, so that it can be drained more easily.

A stressful time, but if we can achieve easier drainage, then quality of life will be easier to achieve.

I just want my hubby home! To be honest, I want much more than that, but I've got to accept that somethings we just can't have.